MALLI

Do you remember the rusting railing

We used to lean upon

As the western sky

Dissolved in burning gold

While the rest was spread out in darkness?

We leaned upon the railing,

That the cement seemed unable to hold,

Looking at cars,

Some with two headlights,

The others half blind,

Creating a game then and there

Of guessing which one was father’s.

The cars were just travelling funneled lights.

Were we waiting for him

Or for the sweets he brought?

Of course he would always say

He forgot to bring them

And then after taking his pleasure

From our quiet disappointments

He would reveal the surprise

And we would love him again.

I like to think you won those games.

I don’t remember the face I saw

Last year. Your straight hair

And sudden pouts are always

A surprise to me.

I cannot erase

Your laughing child’s eyes

And brown curly hair

That we used to make fun of.

Sometimes I regret

And wonder if I am the reason

For the loss of those curls,

The brown’s blackening,

The sudden denial to play.

I remember your funny monkey dance

That you mastered

Every time we sang in gibberish.

When you started growing up

Mother said the dance became vulgar.

Growing up has been painful for us.

I would like to meet again

The sad snowman we made together

From the little snow

That winter. He disappeared overnight.

Life was so short.

I don’t remember if it was you or I

Who shouted for me or you

When it started snowing.

As we looked up

Snow was the color of sky

And on our gloves

Snow and rain.

It was a disappointment really

But we have lied to ourselves

To have our house covered in snow.

That winter I realised that snowballs hurt.

I still remember the bright green

Of your frock

And its shiny smoothness.

Was it your favorite?

Because I saw it last night

Twirling and twirling

Against the haziness of memory

Worn by a little girl’s silhouette

That was yours once

Twirling and twirling against the haziness of memory.