The Escapee
If I had to answer the question, “What has been the main agenda of my life?” then I would simply say, “Escaping life”. Following which I would immediately be confronted with a why. I know that ‘why’ is the most difficult and destabilizing of questions, the answers to which have never been truly satisfying till today (and perhaps never will be). Yet one goes on looking for answers to that fundamental ‘why’ of things, and gives answers with an implicit knowledge that those answers are unsatisfactory and will be replaced by another in the future.
Escaping life.
This agenda of my life is mainly because of that fundamental question. Escaping life is, in a way, a final answer, a putting down of the foot, a metaphorical dead-end to that ontological question. To escape would mean that one is no longer interested, that one is completely saturated and no longer cares for answers (at least within that given structure). By escaping one is not looking for or providing answers; one is simply tired and must get out or else will die of suffocation or worse, boredom. At the same time, when one escapes, one leaves a comment as a trail for those willing to follow. Those who understand the comment and decide to follow understand the plight of the escapee. They also understand the utter meaninglessness of the prison from which he escapes…
Maybe by escaping life, you are denying yourself the conscious knowledge of a painful subconscious awareness. It's just hiding now. Btw, I came to your blog and saw "Notes on Suffering and smiled.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Mrs Dalloway with a grey dress. (still want a room of my own.)